dispatches from the pop scene...minus the corn syrup.

Sunday, December 29, 2013

UK Chart Roundup: Here's What All The Christmas Cash Went Towards Purchasing

This is the chart week each year where you get to see what musical slop all the chyldryn applied the iTunes gift cards they received for Christmas to. In this case, UK music buyers downloaded Pharrell's Despicable Me 2 trash "Happy" (this makes no sense to me, but oh well), Katy Perry's "Roar" (up seven positions), OneRepublic's "Counting Stars" (up 12...depressing as fuck), Avicii's "Wake Me Up" (up 10 to #17), Ellie Goulding's "Burn" (up 20 to #18) and Little Mix's "Little Me" (also up 20, to #19), Jason Derulo's "Talk Dirty" (up 29 to #21) and Miley Cyrus' "Chain Between My Snatch" (up 20 to #22). Oh, and Ylvis' "The Fox" is up 25 spots to #33.

Super quality choices, Brits. No, really.

Over on the album chart, Gary Barlow's Since I Saw You Last climbs back up to its previously-set peak position of #2, and is held off the top by Robbie Williams' Swings Both WaysWilliams' album recently became the 1000th to top the UK chart, and it sold another 91,000 copies over the past week (compared to Barlow's 79,000). Take that.

The UK Top 10:

1. "Happy" - Pharrell Williams *1 week*
2. "Skyscraper" - Sam Bailey
3. "Hey Brother" - Avicii 
4. "Trumpets" - Jason Derulo 
5. "The Monster" - Eminem feat. Rihanna
6. "Somewhere Only We Know" - Lily Allen
7. "How Long Will I Love You" - Ellie Goulding
8. "Roar" - Katy Perry
9. "Story Of My Life" - One Direction
10. "Counting Stars" - OneRepublic

SEE ALSO:
* The 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2013
* The 10 Worst Pop Singles Of 2013

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Miley Cyrus' "Adore You" Video ... The Wicked Truth

Here's the visual for Miley Cyrus' "Chain Between My Snatch" follow-up single, "Fingers Up My Snatch." So, basically this broad acts an attention-deprived, fire-sale townie in the videos to distract from how utterly basic the music itself is, right?



SEE ALSO:
* The 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2013
* The 10 Worst Pop Singles Of 2013

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Lea Michele Has Another Song Written By Sia And It's Called "Battlefield": Listen

Lea Michele is having quite an active period during Glee's winter hiatus, no? Following the announcement of her debut pop album Louder (out February 28) and the release of Sia-penned single "Cannonball," a new song from the chirping triple-thread has arrived in the form of "Battlefield."

While it's unfortunately not a cover of Jordin Sparks' woefully forgotten (by radio) 2009 hit, it is another one written by Sia, along with Larry Goldings, a musician who's played piano on a few of Sia's albums (and on Christina Aguilera's Bionic!).



Side note: Wow. Upon looking back at this post from May 2009, I was initially so dismissive of Jordin's "Battlefield" — one of only two times I've ever been wrong about anything. Still, that writeup produced this line: "I still believe pop music can be better than Ryan Tedder." So it wasn't a total bust.

SEE ALSO:
* The 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2013
* The 10 Worst Pop Singles Of 2013

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It's Katy B's "Crying For No Reason" Video

One of maybe two reasons to not throw yourself off a cliff before 2014 is Katy B's upcoming album Little Red, which is out February 3 in the UK and god knows when in the US. The songs released in the lead-up — 2012's Jessie Ware pair-up "Aaliyah" (will be on the album) and this year's "What Love Is Made Of" (not on the album) and "5 AM" (on the album and Chart Rigger's 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2013 list) — have been utterly fantastic.

Synth half-ballad/half-dance jam "Crying For No Reason" is Little Red's official second single, and it sounds like something Giorgio Moroder would have had some pop tartlet record for the Scarface soundtrack in 1983. In other words, it's fantastic.

The video is also perfection. Witness:



SEE ALSO:
* The 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2013
* The 10 Worst Pop Singles Of 2013

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Thursday, December 26, 2013

US Chart Roundup: Beyonce Is Still Demolishing, In Case You Were Mildly Curious

Beyonce continues to rule the holiday season like she's not done since 2006 — the "'Irreplaceable' Is #1 For 10 Weeks" era, if you recall — as her Jay Z-featuring single "Drunk In Love" debuts on the Billboard Hot 100 at #12, and her self-titled album remains atop the Billboard 200 for a second week.

"Drunk In Love" is now Beyonce's highest-charting single as a lead artist since "Sweet Dreams" peaked at #10 in 2009, and her highest-charting overall single since Lady Gaga's "Telephone" went to #3 in 2010.

As for Beyonce, the album sold another 374,000 copies in its second week, bringing its 10-day total to 991,000 copies. Sweet fucking Beysus.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "The Monster" - Eminem feat. Rihanna *3 weeks*
2. "Timber" - Pitbull feat. Ke$ha
3. "Counting Stars" - OneRepublic
4. "Say Something" - A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera
5. "Royals" - Lorde
6. "Demons" - Imagine Dragons
7. "Let Her Go" - Passenger
8. "Wake Me Up!" - Avicii
9. "Wrecking Ball" - Miley Cyrus
10. "Story Of My Life" - One Direction

SEE ALSO:
* The 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2013
* The 10 Worst Pop Singles Of 2013

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Morrisseason's Greetings

I can't believe 2013 is nearly over. It's been a few months since I touched a book, but in the fall I picked up both Donna Tartt's The Goldfinch and the UK edition of Morrissey's Autobiography. Moz won out, and I've been reading it here and there for the past few weeks.

Tonight was the first night of some semblance of Christmas break for me, and I sat in Margot Patisserie and made a bit of headway into the book. Hope everyone is having happy holidays!

SEE ALSO:
* The 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2013
* The 10 Worst Pop Singles Of 2013

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Wednesday, December 25, 2013

The 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2013

As much of a joy as is to compile the 10 Worst Singles Of The Year list, Moogaboo also feel bound by good taste to whip together our roundup of the best pop had to offer. For this year's selection, we often found ourselves going outside of the realm of actual chart hits. Also, five of the 10 tracks you'll see came from debut releases by new-ish artists. 2013 just felt like that kind of year.

So let's just get to it! Read on below, and make a playlist of our favorite songs if you feel so inclined. And, as always, let us know if you agree with you see, or if Moogaboo and D'luv need to up volume on their hearing aids.

10. Betty Who, "Somebody Loves You"
D'luv says: Next to Annie's The A&R EP, Betty Who's The Movement EP is one of the best releases of 2013. In fact, why doesn't EVERY artist just stick with four- or five-track EPs until they truly have enough songs that don't blow cobbled together to push an album out? I actually like BW's 'You're In Love' and 'High Society' better, but "Somebody Loves You" was the breakout single here.
Moogaboo says: Betty Who is the new Petula Clark! Or maybe a less-sad Robyn. Either way, “Somebody Loves You” is an undeniable piece of pop that garners multiple plays when I’m feeling down or just need to get in shape, girl. One often wonders why more established acts don’t put out this kind of uncomplicated, purely joyful pop, instead of sitting on Koonzes or doing the robot for eight minutes in front of funhouse mirrors or whatever.

9. Capital Cities, "Safe And Sound"
D'luv says: These guys, I'm afraid, are destined to take their place in what's sure to be the long line of one-hit wonders from the teens decade. (Maybe they'll get to stand next to Icona Pop or PSY?) Still, it's been fun championing simple synth-dance gem "Safe And Sound" from relative obscurity all the way to the Top 10.
Moogaboo says: Even if they are the new White Town, I’m finding it impossible to get sick of this single. Maybe it’s the oddness of that synth-French-horn hook, or just the uplifting lyrics (I’m a sucker for them), something about it just always rubs me the right way, multiple times in a row, with a happy ending.
Charts: US #8, GER #1, ITALY #4

8. John Newman, "Love Me Again"
D'luv says: I really hope America latches on to this 23-year-old Northern soul crooner the way it did with, er, Rick Astley. (His debut album Tribute is finally out here on January 7!) As far as debut (solo) singles go, "Love Me Again" is as splashy and rowdy and bombastic as it gets.
Moogaboo says: Three or four weeks ago, in a dive bar in a dive town, D’luv shoves a tequila sunrise in my hand, crams a twenty in the jukebox, and asks me if I love this song. I hear the Motowny sax and go crazy. Right then and there, we started writing the bit of genius you are reading today — albeit in a bit of a boozy state of inspiration. (Which may account for why our original #1 was by someone named Bath Salts Von Trapp.)
Charts: UK #1, ITALY #3, AUS #4

7. MKS, "Flatline"
D'luv says: A sadly prophetic title. Still not entirely sure what happened with the marketing and release of the fantastic "Flatline," but at least it showed the world that these broads have still got it. And is it weird that this song reminds me of Wham! for some reason?
Moogaboo says: Chart foibles aside, “Flatline” really did bear out the potential of the reformed OrigiBabes: unforgettable tune, stellar production, and the kind of emotional depth that’s been missing for so long from pop in general. I couldn’t have asked for more and I hope it isn’t the end.
Charts: UK #50

6. Katy B, "5 AM"
D'luv says: Should we just come and and call 2013 the year that '90s house officially rode (on time) back into the mainstream? (See more on that with our picks below.) Katy B's On A Mission era really did nothing for me, but there hasn't been a misfire yet leading up to her forthcoming 2014 album Little Red (out February 3).
Moogaboo says: I don't know anybody else who deserves the #6 slot more than Katy B! Seriously, this gal sounds like she was born at peak hour in a gay bar circa 1996. Wership.
Charts: UK #14

5. Tegan And Sara, "I Was A Fool"
D'luv says: In a perfect world, Tegan and Sara's Heartthrob album would have caused an Adele-sized popquake in 2013. And I guess in some small way it did; they're on a ton of best lists this month...including ours! Lead single "Closer" would have been the more obvious choice, but "I Was A Fool" was an undeniable highlight from the pair's perfect seventh LP.
Moogaboo says: The ghost of Roxette haunts my heart every time I hear this. Seriously, even though we always joke that this yearly list could easily be retitled “Flops That Deserved To Be Hits, And The Flops Who Love Them,” I’m extra-pissed this year that Tegan And Sara didn’t snatch some number one wigs!
Charts: CAN #19

4. Chase And Status featuring Louis M^ttrs, "Lost And Not Found"
D'luv says: Nineties breakbeats meet bittersweet lyrics about "the pain of getting older" on this outstanding dance track. In the grand scheme of things, this song probably went by unnoticed by the general pop-loving community this year, but "Lost And Not Found" is my favorite kind of beat-driven jam: one with the ability to make you feel both giddy and forlorn.
Moogaboo says: Should radio ever choose to deviate from its current EDM/Music for Dum-Dums formula, they could do worse than this pensive yet propulsive number. Also, the video gives me misty memories of the first time I visited D’luv in L.A.!
Charts: UK #9



3. Annie, "Back Together"
D'luv says: Annie gets better with every release, and The A&R EP proved that when Richard X is in the mix, it's always going to be a sexy, smile-inducing retro romp. I'm not even sure if this was an official single, but there was a video, so there you go. If you don't yet have it, treat yourself to this perfect four-track EP or else you'll suck forever.
Moogaboo says: Indeed, Annie can do no wrong. (Er, no one mention "Tube Stops And Lonely Hearts”...) I loved all of the the sprightly future-retro-pop on her A&R EP, and this '90s-colored single really reminded me of my twenties wasn't born yet!

2. Sky Ferreira, "You're Not The One"
D'luv says: "You're Not The One" makes me feel like I'm wearing a Pac Man tee and Duran Duran is happening to me all over again in 1983. The only things missing are a joystick in my hand and Frogger on the screen. "You're Not The One" is just one fraction of Sky's overall incredible Night Time, My Time album.
Moogaboo says: There's something so genius about the way "You're Not the One" takes a familiar Smiths-esque riff and turns it into big n’ dusky dance pop, not to mention the way Sky growls it into an angst-ridden midnight confession. Perfection, even with the Dollar Tree Sharon Stone getup.

1. Justin Timberlake, "Mirrors"
D'luv says: These past two years have been unconventional ones for pop — not necessarily a bad thing! — so much so that when Justin Timberlake delivered this straightforward *NSYNC throwback in February, it sounded like a revelation. Bonus points for giving bubblegum some emotional depth.
Moogaboo says: This was the only certified gem to crawl out from under the bloated 20/20 Experience, deservingly so. With its muscular beat and melancholy chorus, it brought a feeling of tristesse to the radio that’s all too rare. Now if only we could get Justin to go back to radio-edit length videos.
Charts: US #2, UK #1, AUS #1



ALSO SEE:
* The 10 Worst Singles Of 2013
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2012 
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2011
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2010
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2009
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2008
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2007
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2006
* The Best Pop Singles Of 2005
* The Top 40 Pop Singles Of The '00s

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Tuesday, December 24, 2013

Pet Shop Quote

I've been quoted by the PSBs!

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Sunday, December 22, 2013

UK Chart Roundup: 'X Factor' Slut Sam Bailey Blah Blah

UK X Factor winner Sam Bailey has topped the UK chart with her milquetoast cover of Demi Lovato's "Skyscraper," and all is incredibly predictable in the world.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY!

The UK Top 10:

1. "Skyscraper" - Sam Bailey *new* *1 week*
2. "Happy" - Pharrell Williams
3. "One More Sleep" - Leona Lewis
4. "Highway To Hell" - AC/DC
5. "Hey Brother" - Avicii 
6. "Somewhere Only We Know" - Lily Allen
7. "How Long Will I Love You" - Ellie Gouldingo
8. "Trumpets" - Jason Derulo 
9. "The Monster" - Eminem feat. Rihanna
10. "Story Of My Life" - One Direction

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Thursday, December 19, 2013

US Chart Roundup: It's Beyonce's World

This week's big chart story is, of course, the Beyoncequake. The diva's fifth album debuted at #1 on the Billboard 200 after selling 617,000 copies in just three days. (It went on sale at midnight last Thursday.) That means five studio albums, five #1s — and that makes Beyonce the first female to pull off such a feat. (Other acts that have done so: DMX and the Kingston Trio.)

Physical copies of Beyonce should be in stores by tomorrow, and the album is still tops on iTunes, so expect it to retain the top position this time next week. As of yesterday, the album sold 1 million copies worldwide.

Anyway, the first two official singles off Beyonce are "XO" and "Drunk In Love." Let's watch the clips together, shall we? Because, I'll admit — I have yet to watch all 17 videos that came packaged with this album.

Beyonce — "XO"



Beyonce — "Drunk In Love"



The U.S. Top 10:

1. "The Monster" - Eminem feat. Rihanna *2 weeks*
2. "Timber" - Pitbull feat. Ke$ha
3. "Counting Stars" - OneRepublic
4. "Say Something" - A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera
5. "Royals" - Lorde
6. "Demons" - Imagine Dragons
7. "Wake Me Up!" - Avicii
8. "Wrecking Ball" - Miley Cyrus
9. "Let Her Go" - Passenger
10. "Story Of My Life" - One Direction

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Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Lady Gaga And Christina Aguilera Stun The Pop World, Perform Together On 'The Voice'

After the resurfacing of the vomit-inducing, downright horrifying details of the R. Kelly sexual allegations from the '90s, not to mention the so-so performance of "Do What U Want" on the charts, you can see why Lady Gaga would want to distance herself from the R&B predator. But damn — no one expected her to do the song as a duet with onetime supposed rival Christina Aguilera.

The two of them teamed up for a disco coke whore performance on the Season 5 finale of The Voice last night. Incidentally, Tessanne Chin was the winner of the show, but no one is going to remember that. They'll just remember that these two pop broads finally buried the hatchet — and gave a pretty fun spectacle for us to watch while doing so.

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Tuesday, December 17, 2013

It's Eminem & Rihanna's "The Monster" Video

Is there any point in thinking Eminem is a homophobe, oh, I don't know. And is there any point in caring about Rihanna not giving a #phuck, oh, I don't know.

What I do know is we're here and it's now, so stretch out and watch the video for the current #1 song in the country.

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Peter Thomas & Betty Who's "All Of You" Is Fantastic, And It's A Free Download

God, you blink and suddenly a week and a half goes by. I meant to post this awhile back, but here you go — it's Betty Who's silent musical partner/producer, Peter Thomas, offering up his own single (with Betty Who's Jessica Newham on lead vocals, naturally).

"All Of You," musically, succeeds in holding its own when stacked against all the other dance-pop that's fluttering around out there now. And Betty Who's vocals give the track the added emotional punch it needs to stand that much taller.

Bonus: it's a free download! Have at it.

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Sunday, December 15, 2013

UK Chart Roundup: Leona Lewis Puts A Nice Bow Up Her Christmas Box

Leona Lewis' actually-pretty-decent holiday album Christmas With Love (it's the first of hers that I don't mind playing the whole way through) got a boost from her performance on The X Factor last week, and jumps up from #25, where it debuted, to #13. Likewise, her single "One More Sleep" flies up 31 positions to #3.

But, seriously — did you see the dancing trees during her performance?



"One More Sleep" now marks Leona's ninth Top 10 single (not including the 2010 Helping Haiti charity cover of "Everybody Hurts") and her first Top 5 hit in the UK since 2011's one-off single "Collide."

Back on the album chart, Robbie Williams is back at #1 with Swings Both Ways. When the LP first debuted at the top four weeks back, it became the 1,000th #1 on the chart.

And as mentioned earlier, Beyonce's new, self-titled album debuts at #5, after selling 68,000 copies in just two days.

The UK Top 10:

1. "Somewhere Only We Know" - Lily Allen *3 weeks*
2. "Hey Brother" - Avicii 
3. "One More Sleep" - Leona Lewis
4. "Happy" - Pharrell Williams
5. "How Long Will I Love You" - Ellie Goulding
6. "Of The Night" - Bastille
7. "Trumpets" - Jason Derulo
8. "Let Me Go" - Gary Barlow
9. "Story Of My Life" - One Direction
10. "The Monster" - Eminem feat. Rihanna

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Beyonce's New Album Outselling All Other Bitches

I've never been a huge Beyonce fan. In fact, if you want to know my thoughts on her previous album, 4, look no further than Chart Rigger's 10 Worst Singles Of 2011 roundup, on which Bey took up three positions. Destiny's Child was a different story, since I always dug a bulk of their singles output. ("Say My Name" will forever be one of my favorite pop jams.)

As for Beyonce The Solo Artist, there have been a few songs here and their I got on board with — mainly "Check On It" and "Halo."

That all changed on Friday, however, when I bought Bey's surprise self-titled fifth album/video package on iTunes — the first time I ever paid for a Beyonce solo album — and found myself smitten with the the whole shebang. The music is top notch, especially given her previous LP, and the videos are outstanding (check out "Pretty Hurts," featuring Harvey fucking Keitel for starters). Most of all, I was just really impressed by the innovative way the whole set was crafted as a full audio/visual experience — not to mention the fact that Beyonce couldn't be bothered to play the usual record label release game, and just dropped the damn thing with no forewarning.

Billboard reported last night that Beyonce sold over 430,000 downloads in just 24 hours (the physical version of the album is due out in a week, in time for Christmas) — enough copies, the publication states, for it to debut at #1 when the new chart is published next week.

Likewise, in the UK, Beyonce sold 68,000 copies within 48 hours and will debut at #5 on today's album chart it's published. Both the UK and US charts cut off their weekly tracking on Sunday.

Still, lest you think I've totally gone over to the Beyside, this was my tweet from 12:30 a.m. Friday morning when I first got the news that a new Beyonce album hit iTunes with no warning:

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Thursday, December 12, 2013

US Chart Roundup: Rihanna Allegedly Ties Michael Jackson's Run Of #1 Singles (NOPE)

LOL at the notion of Rihanna having "matched Michael Jackson's string of 13 chart-topping singles on the Billboard Hot 100" now that Eminem's "The Monster" is #1. Let's get some perspective:

* Three of Rihanna's #1s were other artists' songs she featured on: T.I.'s "Live Your Life" (2008), Eminem's "Love The Way You Lie" (2010) and "The Monster" (2013).

* I'd argue that the only reason Rihanna's "S&M" went to #1 in 2011 was because a remix was released at the 11th hour featuring Britney Spears.

* Other chart-topping singles by Rihanna as the lead artist were pair-ups with other folks: "Umbrella" (featuring Jay Z), "What's My Name" (featuring Drake).

* The only one of Michael Jackson's #1s to feature anyone else is "Say Say Say," a duet with Paul McCartney.

* In addition to the 13 songs he took to the top that are billed to himself, MJ also features on the all-star "We Are The World" single, which he co-wrote, and had the lead vocals on four #1 singles by the Jackson 5: "I Want You Back," "ABC," "The Love You Save" and "I'll Be There."

BYE RIHANNA.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "The Monster" - Eminem feat. Rihanna *1 week*
2. "Timber" - Pitbull feat. Ke$ha
3. "Counting Stars" - OneRepublic
4. "Royals" - Lorde
5. "Wrecking Ball" - Miley Cyrus
6. "Wake Me Up!" - Avicii
7. "Demons" - Imagine Dragons
8. "Say Something" - A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera
9. "Let Her Go" - Passenger
10. "Hold On, We're Going Home" - Drake feat. Majid Jordan

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The 10 Worst Singles Of 2013: Get Ready 'Cause I've Had Enough

It's the most wonderful time of the year...the point where Moogaboo and I get together and gather up two handfuls of undeniable bunk noise that tried to sneak by as passable pop and give it the ass-whoopin' it deserves. And, Jesus — 2013 was really full of some horrific sewage, music-wise, no?

Below are the 10 biggest culprits. Disagree with our picks? Let us know why below, then consider getting your ears checked. Or go eat fire. Whichever.

10. Kylie Minogue, "Skirt"
Moogaboo says: "I went from almost liking to absolutely hating 'Skirt,' and now when I  hear it I just feel nothing, except maybe a little tired. Call it  Hi-NRV: highly enervating."
D'luv says: "The last time 'Skirt' crossed my mind was when the video was playing on a flatscreen at a gay bar in Pittsburgh, while a remix of some other song was coming over the speakers. Let's hope the rumors are true, and the abortion that was Kylie's stint at Roc Nation is over before it ever really began."

9. Mariah Carey, "The Art Of Letting Go"

Moogaboo says: "Mimi, dear, after this tuneless attempt at sounding old-skool 'soulful,' complete with organ riff-ettes ripped straight from Motown: The Musical, I have no problem deleting you from my contacts."
D'luv says: "A stick of dynamite exploding while half-jammed up Nicki Minaj's ass has a better chorus than this attempt at getting the grandma set to part with a buck 29."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Mariah whistle-shrieked her way to #10 on our Worst Singles Of 2012 list with "Triumphant" and #5 on the 2008 roundup with her aptly-titled flop "Bye Bye."

8. Britney Spears, "Perfume"

Moogaboo says: "The ironic title isn’t the worst thing about this stinky flop; it’s the dread that creeps in when one realizes Sia is getting paid a million clams a day to hack out such tired jingles."
D'luv: "It does bum me out knowing that even the usually-on-point Sia can be rendered paint-dry dull when paired-up with will.i.am."

7. Katy Perry, "Roar"
Moogaboo says: "I admit, I was into Katy’s stuff up through 'Wide Awake,' so I’m a little confused as to why her new stuff is so brainless and terrible. Either  her contract with Satan ran out or 2010-2012 was a much darker period for me than I previously thought."
D'luv says: "Maybe it's simply that John Mayer's dick has the power to lobotomize?"
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Cute-as-a-button previously bounced her knockers onto our Worst Singles Of 2009 list at #4 with "Thinking Of You."

6. Britney Spears, "Ooh La La"
 
D'luv says: "I opted to guzzle a bucket of Smurf chum instead of listening to 'Ooh La La' again for this."
Moogaboo says: "I get that this was for kids, ie. gay men in their thirties, but kids can feel second-hand embarrassment, too. Imagine how those poor things felt after 'Perfume'."

5. Pitbull feat. Christina Aguilera, "Feel This Moment"
Moogaboo says: "This generation’s MC Hammer finally delivers an anthem worthy of Xtina, queen of the sidecar hit. If only it didn’t make me feel like putting my face in a food processor."
D'luv says: "I have a sinking feeling all these chicks who collaborate with Pitbull wind up booking an appointment to get the STDs Dust-Vac'd out of them by week's end."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Thoroughly pleasant songbird Xtina was last seen on our Worst Singles roundup in 2009, when she soared in at #10 with "Not Myself Tonight." Before that, "Ain't No Other Man" easily sailed to #6 on our 2006 list.

4. Robin Thicke feat. Other Flops, "Blurred Lines"

D'luv says: "I'm still waiting for someone to tell me that this song's 12-week stint at #1 was all just an elaborate joke."
Moogaboo: "This song and Robin Thicke give me a total hard-off. Looking on the bright side, at least impotent overcompensation now has it’s own theme song?"

3. Bonnie McKee, "American Girl"
Moogaboo says: "We get it, Bonnie - you made a million bucks from 'Teenage Dream,' now it’s your time to shine and no one’s going to tell you your single is shit or that you’re dressed like an idiot. However, this single is still shit and you are, in fact, dressed like an idiot."
D'luv says: "Is this the one with the video where the ginger mom puts corn nuts up her pussy in a 7-11?"

2. Britney Spears, "Work Bitch"

Moogaboo says: "Somewhere in the future, this is already the best hair gel commercial ever."
D'luv says: "You're feeling generous at the holidays. I was thinking more like an ad for Ross Dress For Less."

1. Baauer, "Harlem Shake"

Moogaboo says: “'Harlem Shake' would be a good nickname for $2 handjobs given in a club bathroom by, say, a one-hit wonder whose royalties have run out."
D'luv says: "Well, fuck me — if only I hadn't already cheese-grated my dick off from hearing this shit too many times last winter."

ALSO SEE:
* The Worst Singles Of 2012
* The Worst Singles Of 2011
* The Worst Singles Of 2010
* The Worst Singles Of 2009
* The Worst Singles Of 2008
* The Worst Singles Of 2007
* The Worst Singles Of 2006

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Tuesday, December 10, 2013

Lea Michele Launches "Cannonball", The First Single From 'Louder'

Glee diva Lea Michele is going for a full-on pop career with her upcoming album Louder (out March 4), and I can't deny that first single "Cannonball" has things off to a pretty good start. The track was penned by Sia, and is just as good as the last great Sia-written song, "Diamonds." "Cannonball" is available on iTunes as of today.



I mean, it's good, no?

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Sunday, December 08, 2013

UK Chart Roundup: Lily Allen's Keane Cover Returns To #1, 'Britney Jean' Is A Disaster

Gosh, it's been ages (six weeks) since I last wrote about the UK chart. The last time I did, Lorde's "Royals" was on top, and since then, its been a progression of Eminem and Rihanna's "The Monster," Ministry Of Sound's "Storm Queen," Martin Garrix's "Animal," Lily Allen's cover of Keane's "Somewhere Only We Know" and Calvin Harris' "Under Control" at #1. After rattling on about this shit for nearly nine years, it was just time to take a break.



But here were are, back with the UK chart roundup, and Lily Allen's John Lewis department store tie-in single, "Somewhere Only We Know," is back on top. If anything, it reminds me that the first Keane album is quite a masterpiece, and it also depresses me to know that said album, Hopes And Fears, is turning 10 next year.



Speaking of albums, one that nobody is likely to remember fondly a decade from now is Britney Spears' latest set of will.i.am-produced shit jams, Britney Jean. It crashes and burns on the UK album chart at #34, marking her lowest placing there.

All of Disasterney's previous albums charted within the Top 10 in the UK, save for 2003's In The Zone, which made it to #13. But with not a hit to be found at this point on the album, Britney Jean has been flopping left and right, and it's yet to reach the Top 10 in any country.

S*rry bitch.

The UK Top 10:

1. "Somewhere Only We Know" - Lily Allen *2 weeks*
2. "Story Of My Life" - One Direction
3. "Of The Night" - Bastille
4. "Under Control" - Calvin Harris feat. Alesso & Hurts
5. "Let Me Go" - Gary Barlow
6. "The Monster" - Eminem feat. Rihanna
7. "How Long Will I Love You" - Ellie Goulding
8. "Hey Brother" - Avicii
9. "Animals" - Martin Garrix
10. "Do What U Want" - Lady Gaga feat. R. Kelly

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Saturday, December 07, 2013

Grammy Nominations: Justin Timberlake, Taylor Swift, Macklmore, etc. etc. etc.

Well, at least it's not a popularity contest featuring the usual suspects who've won every other award in 2013...

RECORD OF THE YEAR
"Get Lucky" — Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams
"Radioactive" — Imagine Dragons
"Royals" — Lorde
"Locked Out Of Heaven" — Bruno Mars
"Blurred Lines" — Robin Thicke feat. Pharrell Williams & T.I.

ALBUM OF THE YEAR
The Blessed Unrest Sara Bareilles
Random Access MemoriesDaft Punk
Good Kid, M.A.A.D. CityKendrick Lamar
The HeistMacklemore & Ryan Lewis
Red  — Taylor Swift

SONG OF THE YEAR
"Just Give Me A Reason" — Pink feat. Nate Ruess
"Locked Out Of Heaven" — Bruno Mars  
"Roar" — Katy Perry
"Royals" — Lorde
"Same Love" — Macklemore & Ryan Lewis

BEST NEW ARTIST
James Blake
Kendrick Lamar
Macklemore & Ryan Lewis
Kacey Musgraves
Ed Sheeran

BEST POP SOLO PERFORMANCE
"Brave" — Sara Bareilles
"Royals" — Lorde
"When I Was Your Man" — Bruno Mars  
"Roar" — Katy Perry
"Mirrors" — Justin Timberlake

BEST POP/DUO PERFORMANCE
"Get Lucky" — Daft Punk feat. Pharrell Williams
"Just Give Me A Reason" — Pink feat. Nate Ruess
"Stay" — Rihanna feat. Mikky Ekko 
"Blurred Lines" — Robin Thicke feat. Pharrell Williams & T.I.
"Suit & Tie" — Justin Timberlake feat. Jay Z

BEST POP VOCAL ALBUM
Paradies Lana Del Rey
Pure HeroineLorde
Unorthodox JukeboxBruno Mars
Blurred LinesRobin Thicke
The 20/20 Experience  — Justin Timberlake

BEST DANCE RECORDING
"Need U 100%" — Duke Dumont feat. A*M*E & MNEK
"Sweet Nothing" — Calvin Harris feat. Florence Welch
"Atmosphere" — Kaskade
"This Is What It Feels Like" — Armin Van Burren feat. Trevor Guthrie
"Clarity" — Zedd feat. Foxes

BEST DANCE/ELECTRONICA ALBUM
Random Access MemoriesDaft Punk
Settle Disclosure
18 MonthsCalvin Harris
A Map Of The SunPretty Lights
Atmosphere  — Kaskade

PRODUCER OF THE YEAR
Rob Cavallo
Dr. Luke
Ariel Rechtshaid
Jeff Tweedy
Pharrell Williams

A FEW RANDOM NOMINEES THAT DON'T SUCK:
Capital Cities (Best Music Video, "Safe & Sound")
Cyndi Lauper (Best Musical Theater Album, Kinky Boots)
David Bowie (Recording Package, Rock Performance, Best Rock Album)

The rest of the nominees here.

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Friday, December 06, 2013

My Best Albums Picks For 2013 (Or At Least Two Of Them)

We posted our picks for the year's 10 best albums over on Idolator today. Two of mine were Pet Shop Boys' Electric (shocking, I know) and Tegan And Sara's Heartthrob. There were several other albums — though not a lot — that I really dug this year, chief among them being Sky Ferreira's Night Time, My Time, Justin Timberlake's The 20/20 Experience and Little Boots' Nocturnes. But overall, I can't deny feeling that this was just an overall dismal year for pop, and so I often found myself returning to older albums.

Oh, well. Check out my write-ups here.

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Tensnake Announces 'Glow' Album, Releases Nile Rodgers Collaboration "Love Sublime"

Tensnake is a German producer/remixer who landed on Chart Rigger's 10 Best Pop Singles Of 2012 list last December with his superb, '90s-sounding Syron collaboration "Mainline." Over the summer he released the double single "58 BPM/See Right Through," two songs that were pretty perfect. But his latest offering finds him partnering up with Nile Rodgers and Fiora (the singer on the previously mentioned two song). It kind of blows everything else out of the water.

Below is the disco stomp that is "Love Sublime." It's just a taste of Tensnake's newly-announced album Glow (out March 14, 2014 via Astralwerks).



It's great no? And check out the features on Glow — there's more Nile Rodgers, plus Jacques Lu Cont (aka Stuart Price)!

1. First Song
2. Love Sublime (feat. Nile Rodgers & Fiora)
3. Feel Of Love (Tensnake & Jacques Lu Cont feat. Jamie Lidell)
4. No Colour
5. Ten Minutes
6. Kill The Time (feat. Fiora)
7. Selfish (feat. Jeremy Glenn)
8. Good Enough To keep (feat. Nile Rodgers & Fiora)
9. Holla
10. Listen Everybody (feat. Fiora)
11. See Right Through (feat. Fiora)
12. No Relief (feat. Fiora)
13. Things Left To Say
14. 58 BPM (feat. Fiora)
15. Last Song

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Daft Punk's "Instant Crush" Video Makes Me Want To Cry Like Carrie On 'Homeland'

I'm gonna just come out and say that it's nice to finally see a Daft Punk song without Pharrell on it being promoted. (Actually, I guess "Doin' It Right," my favorite song off the album, was released as a single back in September? I must have missed that.)

With "Instant Crush," The Strokes frontman Julian Casablancas takes on the vocals, and the video features two wax mannequins who fall in love in a museum, only to meet a fiery end. At least it happens while they're together. Which is sad. Fuck.



I feel like there are a lot of these non-real-people-falling-in-love-then-falling-apart music videos doing the rounds, from Ellie Goulding's "Midas Touch" to David Bowie's "Love Is Lost."

This one is no less of a kick in the heart.

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Thursday, December 05, 2013

US Chart Roundup: Christina Aguilera Sneaks Into The Top 10 Once Again

Of all the flopping pop queens on the charts these days, Miley Cyrus and, surprisingly, Christina Aguilera aren't among them. Miley's ballad "Chain Between My Snatch" returns to the top of the Billboard Hot 100 for a third non-consecutive week, after being interrupted by Lorde's nine-week stint at #1 with "Royals." You can thank the horrifying Chatroulette video version that went viral last week, as well as Snatchley's American Music Awards performance of the song two Sundays ago.

And then there's Xtina, who now has her 11th Top 10 hit with A Great Big World's "Say Something" (a song, mind you, whose original version she did not appear on when it was first released in February of this year). This one also benefits from the AMAs performance by the duo and the diva.

Yes, Christina may be a flop when she's flying solo, but she's THE go-to features starlet du jour. Her last three Top 10 hits: Maroon 5's "Moves Like Jagger," Pitbull's "Feel This Moment" and, now, A Great Big World's "Say Something." Roll over, Nicki Minaj.

Over on the Billboard 200, One Direction's Midnight Memories is their third album to top the album chart, while several albums rebound following the AMAs and Black Friday sales — chief among them are Katy Perry's Prism (up from #11 to #5), Kelly Clarkson's Wrapped In Red (#9 to #6) Lady Gaga's ARTPOP (#8 to #7), Miley's Bang Me (#16 to #9) and Justin Timeberlake's The 20/20 Experience - 2 Of 2 (#22 to #11).

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Wrecking Ball" - Miley Cyrus *3 weeks*
2. "The Monster" - Eminem feat. Rihanna
3. "Royals" - Lorde
4. "Timber" - Pitbull feat. Ke$ha
5. "Counting Stars" - OneRepublic
6. "Wake Me Up!" - Avicii
7. "Demons" - Imagine Dragons
8. "Story Of My Life" - One Direction
9. "Roar" - Katy Perry
10. "Say Something" - A Great Big World & Christina Aguilera

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Wednesday, December 04, 2013

The Latest "United States Of Pop" Mashup By DJ Earworm Is Here

The 2013 installment of DJ Earworm's annual United States Of Pop mega-mashup has arrived, and it's curiously heavy on Swedish House Mafia's "Don't You Worry Child" and Taylor Swift's "I Knew You Were Trouble" — two hits from 2012 (though they likely hit the mainstream too late to make the cut in last year's clip).

Other songs the five-and-a-half-minute pop fest relies heavily on: Lorde's "Royals," Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball," Rihanna's "Stay" and Imagine Dragons' "Radioactive." Yippee!

It's Lorde's "Team" Video

I got into a Twitter spat with someone last week who was hinting that Lorde was bordering on racism for claiming in an interview. that she and her friends found songs by Drake and Nicki Minaj on the radio to be irrelevant. I thought that was a lot to lay on someone who was simply stating that she didn't like those particular songs, but that's the world we live in — when you speak your mind and go against the flow, there must be something wrong with you.

Or not. Here's Lorde's "Team" video. She looks pretty on-point to me.

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